I’d been living in a dorm room with 12 other women. Then suddenly there was an apartment and a man who said he loved me.”
“The first month was good. Victor was attentive, affectionate. I cooked, cleaned, tried hard.”
“I thought we were building a life together. What changed?” Ellie stubbed out her cigarette and lit another.
“His friends started coming around. Steve, Kyle, Mike. He’d served in the Army with them.”
“They came by at first once a week, then more often. Then nearly every day.”
“They drank, smoked, yelled. I put up with it. Figured men and their buddies, that’s life. But then it got worse.”
“The way they looked at me changed. You understand? Not like I was Victor’s girlfriend. Like I was… something they could use. The jokes started. The remarks.”
“Victor laughed with them. Never stood up for me. I tried talking to him. Told him it bothered me, that I wanted them around less.”
“He got angry. Said I was nobody. Said it was his apartment, his friends. If I didn’t like it, I could leave.”
“And go where? I’d already changed my address to this place. There was no room left in the dorm.”
“I don’t have parents. I grew up in foster care. I had nobody.” There was a knock at the door.
A patrol officer stepped in. Reported that Steve and Kyle were giving statements. Said Ellie had lured them there on purpose, that she wanted to rob them, that she was mentally unstable.
Simmons snorted. “Rob them? Their pockets were empty. Steve and Kyle are known in the neighborhood. Both on file already.”
Ellie gave a dry smile. “Of course they’re lying. What else can they do? Tell the truth? About what they’ve been doing to me for six months?”
“What exactly were they doing?” Simmons leaned forward. “Ellie, we need specifics. If they committed crimes against you, that matters.”
Ellie was quiet for a long time. Then she started speaking in a low, flat voice. And I understood we were about to hear something terrible.
Something that would change everything. Something you can’t un-hear once it’s been said.
Ellie looked at her hands. Interlaced her fingers, then opened them again. Dried blood on her knuckles. Dark lines under her nails.
She began to speak, and I turned on the recorder. It all had to be documented.
“The first time was a month after I moved in with Victor. He came home drunk with Steve and Mike. Late—around two in the morning.”
“I was asleep. They came into the bedroom, turned on the light. Victor said, ‘Get up. We’ve got company.’”
“I got up, put on my robe, went to the kitchen to put water on. I could hear them laughing in the other room, opening bottles. Then Victor called me in.”
“I came in. They were sitting at the table drinking. Victor said, ‘Sit with us.’”
“So I sat. Steve poured me a drink. I said no, I don’t drink.”
“He laughed. ‘You’ll drink.’ Victor nodded. ‘Drink it. Don’t be rude.’ So I drank it.”
“I got sick right away. Dizzy. I wasn’t used to alcohol. Then Victor said, ‘Take your clothes off.’”
“I thought I’d misheard him. What? He said it again. ‘Take your clothes off. Let the guys see what I’ve got.’”
“I said no. Told him it was disgusting. He stood up, walked over, and hit me in the face.”
“Hard. I fell off the chair. He leaned over me and said, ‘I told you. Take them off.’”
Ellie stopped. Lit another cigarette. Her hand shook—for the first time all night.
“I took my clothes off. I stood there naked in front of them. They looked me over. Commented.”
“Steve said, ‘Not much up top, but she’s got a nice backside.’ Mike said, ‘Good enough for Victor.’ They laughed.”
“And I stood there crying. Victor came over and put his arm around me. Said, ‘Why are you crying? These are my friends.’”
“‘They know what I’ve got now. You ought to be proud.’ After that, I spent a week trying to figure out how to leave. But there was nowhere to go. Literally nowhere.”
“I asked at work about housing. No openings. Waiting list two years long. No close friends. No relatives.”
“Foster care isn’t a family. You age out, and then you’re on your own. So I stayed.”
“I thought maybe it wouldn’t happen again. Maybe Victor would come to his senses. He didn’t.”
It got worse. Simmons poured Ellie a glass of water from the pitcher. She drank it fast, thanked him with a nod, and kept going.
“A week later they came again. Victor, Steve, Kyle. Mike wasn’t there, he was out of town.”
“They drank again. Victor called me into the bedroom. I went in, thinking he wanted to talk.”
“Steve was lying on our bed naked. Victor said, ‘Steve’s had his eye on you for a while. I can’t let a friend down. Be nice to him.’”
“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. ‘Victor, what are you saying? Are you out of your mind?’ He answered like he was discussing the weather. ‘Nothing crazy about it. Happens all the time.’”
“‘We shared everything in the Army. Women too. You’re my woman, so you’re theirs too.’ I said no.”
“I yelled that he was sick, that he was trash, that I was leaving. I ran for the door.”
“Kyle grabbed me in the hallway and locked me in the bathroom. I beat on the door, screamed. Then I got tired and sat on the floor and cried.”
“An hour later the door opened. Steve was standing there smiling. He said, ‘So, sweetheart, change your mind?’”
“I spit in his face. He wiped it off with his sleeve and stopped smiling. Came into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.”
“I’m not going to describe what happened next in detail. I’ll just say this: he raped me. In that bathroom.”
“And Victor and Kyle sat in the other room. Drinking. Listening to music. They heard me screaming and never came.”
“Afterward I lay on the bathroom floor for I don’t know how long. An hour, maybe two. I crawled to the bedroom, got into bed, everything hurt.”
“Victor came in, lay down beside me, put his arm around me. Said, ‘See? It was fine. Nothing terrible happened. We’re all friends here.’”
“Then he went to sleep. Started snoring. And I lay there staring at the ceiling until morning.”
“Thinking, how does a person become this? Or was he always this way?
