He turned back to the screen, making it clear the conversation was over. And I stood there, thunderstruck. I couldn’t have imagined it. I clearly saw the dark rectangle on the light parquet floor. And I knew for a fact he couldn’t have grabbed it from the blanket, because the phone was a meter and a half away from him.
I silently gathered the dishes and left the room. In the kitchen, I pressed my forehead against the cold windowpane. Did I imagine it? Or am I really going crazy from exhaustion and hopelessness? But somewhere deep inside, under a thick layer of pity and duty, a cold, unpleasant feeling stirred. The first tiny seed of doubt was sown in my soul.
The next day, Olga called, my only friend who hadn’t disappeared after Dima’s accident. Everyone else had somehow quietly disappeared, unable to bear the atmosphere of our home, saturated with the smell of medicine and despair.
— Hey, Ann, how are you guys?
— Hey, same as usual, — I sank onto a chair in the hallway so Dima wouldn’t hear. — He’s better today, his blood pressure is normal, he even ate with an appetite.
— I’m not asking about him, I’m asking about you, — her voice on the phone was firm. — How are you? Judging by your tone, you’re on your last legs again.
I sighed; there was no point in lying to Olga.
— I’m tired, Olga, just dead tired. Sometimes it feels like this will never end. A weird thing happened yesterday, too.
And I told her about the phone, how it was on the floor and then on the nightstand a minute later, about Dima’s irritated reaction and his accusation that I was just tired. I expected Olga to calm me down as usual, to say I was just overthinking things. But she was silent for a few seconds, and then she said something I didn’t expect at all.
— Ann, listen to me carefully. I’m not accusing him of anything, of course, but two years… Are you sure everything is exactly as he says?
I was stunned.
— What do you mean?
— Exactly what I said. You’re driving yourself into an early grave, you look like a shadow, and he’s not getting any better, not at all, not one millimeter. Maybe the doctors said something? Is there any hope at all?
— The doctors say it’s a severe case, a spinal cord injury, the chances are minimal, you know that.
— I know, — Olga snapped. — And I also know that you believe his every word. What if he’s just gotten used to it? Used to you running around after him, to your whole life revolving around his bed? Maybe he’s just manipulating you, huh?
Her words cut deep.
— Olga, what are you saying? He’s disabled, he’s helpless. How can you even suggest that?
— And you’re a slave? — her voice turned harsh. — Do you remember the last time you bought yourself anything other than groceries? When was the last time you went to the movies? You can’t even get a proper haircut because you can’t leave him for long. Ann, I love you, and it hurts me to see what you’ve become. Just think about it, don’t dismiss it right away. Pay attention to the little things, and the phone — that’s not a little thing anymore…
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